Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
