I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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