How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
