I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
