He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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