So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
