wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
