apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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