Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
