erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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