i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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