I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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