Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
