Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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