The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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