better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
