thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
