Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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