My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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