Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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