well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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