so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
love makes seman taste better
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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