i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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