When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
