Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Panties = found
Randomize
