just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
