names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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