I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
