It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
