You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
bring money and cleavage
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
