how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
