I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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