I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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