I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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