what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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