You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
