If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There r osticjed everywhere
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
