she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
