Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
