Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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