booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
