you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
