why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
