Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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