So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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