i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
