Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
