yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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