i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
