dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
