Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
