im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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