How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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