Four minutes until I can fart!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
