i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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