My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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