sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
