so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
