Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
