I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
