dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
