is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
