they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize