new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
