So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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