Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
