i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
