in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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