i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
