I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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